Round 2, Day 21: Looking Good, Feeling Better

Round 2 is coming to a close.  Round 3 starts in less than 12 hours.  Once I pull through the first 10 days or so, will really be halfway done.

Monday I attended a workshop called "Look Good, Feel Better," "a public service program serving cancer patients."

Not to be confused with the book, "Looking Pretty, Feeling Fine - Total Beauty for Teens" (May -- do you remember that one from freshman year? I had it here but may have been overzealous in cleaning out and I think I donated it to Goodwill).

The Look Good, Feel Better Program gives people going through chemotherapy all kinds of tips on coping with the toll that chemotherapy takes on your physical appearance.  The workshop walked us through their 12-step program.  Step 1 -- denial that your hair is falling out.  Step 2 -- anger that not only is your hair falling out but your scalp is dry and itchy and painful.  And so on until Step 12 -- acceptance that eventually even your eyebrows and eyelashes start to fall out too.  Ok.  No, those aren't the steps.  But there really is a booklet with a 12-step makeup guide.  And I got all kinds of swag like lotions, creams, lipsticks, mascara, foundation, blush, concealer, etc. etc. etc.  And instructions on how to use these products, many of which are unfamiliar to me.  A nice treat was that a few of the women from the support group I've been attending were there and they made it that much more fun.

And I am feeling so much better than 10 days ago.  Walked to work today for the first time in weeks and weeks.  It was 68 degrees out when I left this morning!  Yoga tonight and more walking.  Last night went for a walk and then dinner with a friend.  My current self is urging my future self to remember that no matter how bad I feel, Day 13 WILL come and I will feel better again.

Oh - an update on the taste changes.  Desperate for caffeine the other day, I tried Pepsi.  And I'll be damned if that Pepsi didn't taste much better than Coke.  So strange.  Probably because it is sweeter.  My latest craving has been for mint - especially mint ice cream.  Have been having girl scout thin mints, mint oreos, mint aero bars and mint oreo cookies too.

And back to wig for a moment.  Today one of the partners in my firm who I haven't seen in weeks complimented me on my new hair style.  I smiled and said, "thank you."

Round 2, Day 18: A good day & hat pics

     

Yesterday I had a good day.  I walked through Rock Creek Park and the surrounding city streets with a friend for an hour and 45 minutes -- the longest I've walked since before chemo!  After breakfast at Open City, relaxed at home and watched wimbledon, and even watched the USA lose to Ghana in the World Cup.  Then, met another friend for a movie and dinner.  It was the day of a normal, non-cancer girl.

Here are some pics of me and my new hats, both with and without sunglasses (and one with Addie, canine cousin of Lily & Cinders):

 

Flashback: Race day, MRI; a marathon sign

Following Diagnosis Day (March 9) and a few days in West Palm Beach, came home to DC. Mom changed her plans last minute to fly back with me since I was having a rough day that Friday in March. The next day was my birthday. Had a very low key birthday dinner and cake with a few friends and mom.

Sunday was my St. Patrick's Day 8K race! Ran with my friend Christine, finished in 62 minutes (12:30 pace). It was a really nice day out and a great time.

Then, had to face my fears about having an MRI.  The MRI was needed to evaluate whether there were any other areas of cancer in either breast besides what the mammogram and biopsy had shown.  That Sunday evening, had my MRI at Georgetown. Not surprising, knowing me, I had significant anxiety going into it. It was actually not as claustrophobic as I thought it would be. The tube was not closed; however, because I was face down in the middle of it, and not supposed to move, I really couldn't see out the end much. Because of the position in which I had to place my arms (above my head), it became quite uncomfortable (my shoulders primarily) after a while. I was in it for maybe half an hour. The clanking was as loud as I had been warned, and the sounds kept changing which freaked me out at one point. Towards the end I started becoming a little panicky (not a lot, just a little). But the technician was kind and patient with me, and I got through it.

Although I haven't run since the St. Patrick's Day 8k, I am sooooo looking forward to running again in the fall. I went to another yoga class at Smith Farm the other day (it was super gentle and relaxing this time). As I went to register and pay for the class, there on the desk was a book, "Medicine, Marathons & Miracles" -- "the true story of a married couple's journey from their simultaneous cancer diagnoses to their triumphant celebration of survival by completing the grueling 26.2 mile Marine Corps Marathon." I took that as a sign that I need to sign up for the Marine Corp Marathon next fall. Smith Farm is a great resource - they let you borrow books the old-fashioned way - just put your name on an index card. This week will be reading that one for inspiration. 

Round 2, Day 13: Back on the upswing

God bless Day 13.  My stomach woes, which have been pretty woeful over the last week, have subsided and I can even stand to drink water again.  Knocking on wood and hoping it continues.  


What else?  Not much to report.  Bought some cute hats.  Am discovering more foods that should taste great that seem gross (Pad Thai and Chicken Tikka Masala).   Did not walk today or yesterday   :-(  And it is supposed to be 99 degrees tomorrow and thursday.  Will try for yoga tomorrow and the treadmill at the gym on thursday.


Time is moving very strangely for me these days.  I view everything in 21 day cycles.  I look at today and think back to my last day 13 and look forward to my next day 13.  I have marked on my calendar all of my upcoming "good" weekends (i.e., weekends prior to treatment) and look forward to those the most.  Second only to looking forward to the end of september when this, and 99 degree weather, are all behind me.


Above:  Lily & Cinders keep mom company

Round 2, Day 8: wig wars

It has been a battle of wills, but I believe I am now not losing the war against wig.  


I went back to work on Thursday and decided I would try out my new expensive hair piece.  I got as far as one block from my office and chickened out.  Momentarily.  Called my guardian angel Bessie to kick my ass into the office and headed in 15 minutes later.  After tugging every which way with the wig for another 15 minutes, I finally braved the walk from the hallway ladies room to my office.


I got positive feedback on wig from Denise right away -- thanks Denise!


But I was so self conscious, that when another coworker came into my office and complimented me on my new look, I blurted out, "It's not my hair!  I'm having chemotherapy!"  Note to self:  NOT the way to gracefully receive a compliment. 


I managed to get through the rest of the day with only 320 tugs to the left, another 90 to the right, 200 back, and 150 forward.  Amazing the hairs are still intact.


But all was relatively ok.  Then, tired, I took a cab home.  I was unfortunate enough to step into one of the 80% of DC cabs that smelled of that combination of BO and air freshener.  No AC.  Front window was open.  Not enough air for me.  I opened my window all the way.  Moments later, while cruising up 15th Street, my brand new wig went flying 
off my head and onto the seat next to me.  I bit my lip not  to laugh aloud.  Grateful that it had not flown out the window and that I was not on a date at the time, I threw wig into my bag, swapped for hat, and gave the cab driver a healthy tip for not commenting.

Me & wig, Sandy (who cut my hair & fixed up my wig) and my free head

Determined not to let wig get the best of me, I decided to try again this morning.  There was a hairy moment (bad pun) when I dropped wig on the floor and Cinders nearly attacked it.  Other than that, I wore wig into work with attitude, and simply accepted the compliments today on my new 'do.  


p.s. the locks of hair above are mine and will be made into a "halo" or "fringe" which I can wear under hats and scarves.

Round 2, Day 7: what i've learned

I have learned that Day 7 is better than Day 6.  


That even though seagrams gingerale tastes like toxic waste, canada dry gingerale is not too bad.  


That my stomach feels better when I force food into it, even when I don't want to.


That no matter how bad I feel, time does pass.


And that a good cry really can make me feel better sometimes.  

Round 2, Day 5: couch day

Day 5 was a rough one last time, and although I don't feel quite as bad this go around, today I have been seriously tired.  Have spent most of the day on the couch, with a break for my acupuncture appt. (round trip by cab to farragut north, how sad is that).  And several hours in bed.  My friend May is taking ridiculously good care of me.

Saturday, aka wig day, was draining but not as traumatic as I expected.  I had very good support from an old friend and a new one and the ladies at Amy's in Wheaton make having your hair buzzed off as much fun as it possibly could be.

Sunday I actually dragged myself up to gentle yoga, which was an effort, but worth it I think.  Friends, cards and pervuvian chicken were a pleasant way to pass sunday afternoon.

Now back to some quality time with my couch.

Round 2, Day 2: Hair today, gone tomorrow

So, I have decided it is time to put my hairs out of their misery.  They are coming out more quickly and in larger amounts, and this will only increase now that I've had my second treatment.  So, tomorrow, unless i chicken out, I will head up to the wig store and get it all chopped off.  I've got friends going with me, so i think it'll be ok.  Different, but ok.

My new hair style 

In other news, day 2 has gone ok.  Went for a short walk this morning and met one of the awesome women going through the same chemo regimen as me.  Then, neulasta shot and reflexology.  And have a friend from out-of-town visiting with me over the weekend and into early next week.  Some stomach pain but not unbearable, and my eyes are tearing and stinging because of the taxotere.  Otherwise, just tired (but wired at the same time); off to sleep soon, i hope!

Round 2, Day 1: So far, ok

Today was shorter than last time - but was still there from 10:30 to 3:30 (and then another half hour at the pharmacy after).  A friend kept me good company throughout the whole day.  Things went smoothly.  Only took one stick for the port this time.  It's pretty incredible that it feels like almost nothing is happening to me at the time.


My blood cell counts all came in ok.  Only one of the red cell counts was 1 number lower than it should be, but not nearly low enough to be of concern.  But I do need to try to eat lots of spinach and other foods with iron to prevent anemia.


I gained back the 5 pounds that I lost during the first week.  Sigh.  Dr. McGrail says she doesn't care what I eat - I can eat a piece of chocolate cake for lunch every day if I want - so long as I do not gain weight.  She stressed that very strongly - she says people that gain weight while on chemo have a higher chance of recurrence.  So I need to be more mindful when I am digging into the nutella jar.


So far, the only side effects are that my eyes are stinging when they tear up (this happened last time too, for about the first 5-6 days), and my stomach pain is back a bit.  Hoping that won't be too bad this time.  Need to drink 40-60 more ounces of fluids - good for getting the chemo washed through and out, or something like that.


Otherwise, just tired.  Didn't get to sleep until after 1:30 last night - took my steroid at 8:30, and the nurse today told me I should take it closer to 4 p.m. cause it will keep you up.  Oh well.  Still went for a half hour walk this morning before chemo.


Off to the couch for some serious R&R, and a visit from a friend later this evening.

Round 1, Day 21: A new cycle begins

Round 1 is almost at an end.  Tonight I went to a gentle yoga class at this neat place called Smith Farm, which is a wellness resource center for people living with cancer.  And it's located right in my neighborhood at U & 17th.  Different than the other yoga class I went to a few weeks ago, but also good.  


Have been continuing my acupuncture treatments, and will go to reflexology on Friday.  


And earlier this week I went on a business trip to Raleigh, NC!  My doctor had given me the green light because it was only my first treatment, towards the end of the cycle, and I had my neulasta shot to help with my white blood cell count.


Back on the steroids today -- am a little wired right now.  Time to relax, watch a little tv, and try to get to sleep not too late.

Round 1, Day 20: Changes

Holy crap, batman, Round 1 is almost over.  And my body and mind have been experiencing some strange changes.  


Most present at the moment is my hair.  My hair is coming out in strands of two, three, and a few scary moments, of 20.  As I told a friend at work today, I am starting to shed more than my cats.  


I have experienced, as was forecast, some changes in taste.  Some things that I love just taste plain old bad.  Coke tastes bad.  I can't enjoy my morning coke and I can't enjoy my afternoon coke.  And the Seagrams gingerale I tried to have the other night tasted so bad I had to throw it out.   Sprite, on the other hand, tastes better than ever.  Dark chocolate which I LOVE holds no allure, but once I start eating nutella, it is hard to stop (straight from the jar, how else).  But nothing tastes better to me right now than caramel.  Caramel sauce on ice cream, caramel popcorn, rollos, twix, hard werthers caramels -- wow.  I scored big time yesterday when I spotted a special type of milky way bar coated in caramel.  

One change that has been particularly annoying is that my body cannot tolerate heat.  It was pointed out to me that this is not so much of a change, as I haven't done well in heat for the last several years.  The problem is, my body has redefined "heat" from 90 degrees to 80 degrees, and that's a problem if you live in DC during the summer.  It's been difficult to get out and walk as much as I would like.  (Blissfully, it was in the 60s this morning and I went for a 2 mile walk before heading to acupuncture and work; and got to walk home from work this evening.)


Although physically I've been feeling almost back to normal for about a week now (with sore throat and stomach pain both having subsided), I still tire more easily.


Here's hoping that Round 2 brings no horrible and unexpected changes.



 

Flashback: Diagnosis Day

Tuesday, March 9.  4:45 p.m.  In front of Hamburger Heaven, in West Palm Bach, FL, after trading voice mails earlier in the day, I received a call back from Teresa Harrington at Georgetown.  I had been on edge about waiting for the results of the biopsy.  But I really did not expect bad news.  I was just anxious for the waiting to be over so I could kick back and enjoy the rest of my vacation.


That was not to be.  She told me it was invasive breast cancer.  Based on the look on my face and the tone in my voice, my mom immediately handed me a small notebook and pen and I started scribbling down words.  "moderate."  "very small".  "don't yet know if it is sensitive to..."  "surgery."  "no enlarged lymph nodes."  "if the MRI gives us surprises, more questionable areas, then..."  "gene testing - if a gene mutation carrier is positive, have a 40-65% chance of developing cancer in the opposite breast...increased risk of ovarian cancer."  "very treatable."  My appointment the following week was to be with Dr. Cocilovo.  "hospital."  "surgery."  (yes, I wrote that one down twice)


And then 15 minutes later, everything had changed.


Not knowing what else to do, after I cried, we walked down to the ocean and I took pictures.  The next few days, I cried.  And I took pictures.  The Blowing Rocks Preserve the next day brought me out of my fog for a moment.  The day after that I went for a run in West Palm Beach and told myself that if I could get myself to finish the run, I could get through all this.  And I found a moment of peace later that afternoon at the Ann Norton Sculpture Garden.

West Palm Beach, 3/9/10, 6:41 p.m.

Blowing Rocks Preserve, Jupiter, FL, 3/10/10

Ann Norton Sculpture Garden, West Palm Beach, 3/11/10

Round 1, Day 13: A good day

I am almost afraid to write this for fear of jinxing it, but today was the first day I felt almost "normal."  A quiet day at work, dinner with a friend.  


I am, however, becoming obsessed with my hair - I keep checking my scalp to see if the hairs are still intact.  They are for now.  Although my scalp feels just a bit painful.  Not sure if that's my imagination or not, but it feels like they are trying to push their way out of my head.  Dr. McGrail said it'd be two to five weeks...we'll see.