Today: met with Dr. Smith, he told me that the lump I found was just an infected cyst and most definitely, definitely NOT cancer.
Sunday, 4/17: after a wonderful hike in rock creek park, found a strange lump to the right of my right (non-cancer) breast. Wow, really freaked out by that.
Thursday, 4/14: met with Dr. Smith (McGrail's former partner), and had Herceptin number 16 of 18. Still bumming about Dr. McGrail being gone.
Wednesday, 4/13: consultation with Dr. Kaltman, as potential replacement for Dr. McGrail. Liked her a lot. Support group @ sibley afterwards.
Sunday, 4/10: hiking amidst the Virginia bluebells. That was nice. It also marked a year since I hiked (or, hobbled) amidst the Virginia bluebells a year ago with my mom, 3 days after my surgery.
Wednesday, 4/6: support group @ georgetown. Really love this group of women.
Wednesday, 3/30: met with Dr. McGrail. Discussed why she was leaving practice effective immediately. The very short answer: contract dispute; Dr. Smith exercised his right to terminate her contract. Very sad. Crying, tissues and hugs.
Tuesday, 3/29: found out from friend in breast cancer spinning class that Dr. McGrail was leaving. Very upset. Very attached to her. No notice.
Sunday, 3/27: great yoga for cancer survivors class, lunch with yoga friends, and my very first hair cut!!
Thursday, 3/24: Herceptin number 15 of 18. Routine visit with Dr. McGrail.
Sunday, 3/20: nice hike along potomac heritage trail.
Wednesday, 3/16: really relaxing smith farm yoga class. Needed it because reentry to real life after vacation's been a bit rough.
Saturday, 3/12: began my Cancer-to-5K training. I think there are more volunteers than program participants, crazy! I have a coach now who emails me workouts!
Friday, 3/11: Back home from vacation. Sigh.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Diagnosis day: A year later
It was a year ago today that I received the call from georgetown that my biopsy came back positive (positive not being a good thing). Invasive breast cancer.
Twelve months later: 1.8 cm lump successfully removed on the first try by the amazing Dr. Cocilovo, 2-3 lymph nodes gone (still not sure whether I had two or three removed ... the important key being that they were negative!), one port implant, 6 rounds of chemotherapy (TCH ... taxotere, carboplatin & herceptin), 8 more rounds of herceptin (4 more to go), no hair for five months, 30 days of radiation, 10 pounds heavier (despite feeling queasy on chemo half the time, I managed to gain weight, go figure) .... here I am. From the sunshine state, where I learned of my diagnosis, to the grand canyon state, where I am celebrating being beyond cancer, and trying to figure out my new life (including handling anxiety over recurrence), here I am.
I have so many people that helped me through, whether for the whole year, or just a small moment along the way, for which I am very thankful. I wouldn't dare try listing people for fear of missing someone. You know who you are, so thank you.
Twelve months later: 1.8 cm lump successfully removed on the first try by the amazing Dr. Cocilovo, 2-3 lymph nodes gone (still not sure whether I had two or three removed ... the important key being that they were negative!), one port implant, 6 rounds of chemotherapy (TCH ... taxotere, carboplatin & herceptin), 8 more rounds of herceptin (4 more to go), no hair for five months, 30 days of radiation, 10 pounds heavier (despite feeling queasy on chemo half the time, I managed to gain weight, go figure) .... here I am. From the sunshine state, where I learned of my diagnosis, to the grand canyon state, where I am celebrating being beyond cancer, and trying to figure out my new life (including handling anxiety over recurrence), here I am.
I have so many people that helped me through, whether for the whole year, or just a small moment along the way, for which I am very thankful. I wouldn't dare try listing people for fear of missing someone. You know who you are, so thank you.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Bridge to spring...getting past the bumps
I'm in Phoenix!
Just a few weeks ago I planned my trip to arizona. I just finished a big deadline at work (and got positive feedback on the comments I wrote - yay - my brain is starting to work again). And as I've already mentioned, I am now coming up to the one year anniversary of my diagnosis day. So, this week seemed like a good time to go.
Last spring I was miserable with diagnosis, surgery and the beginning of chemo. Then came the summer which was unbearably hot whilst on chemo. Fall was a blur of driving to and from sibley hospital for my radiation treatments. And this winter, I have been tired and a cold weather wuss. So, I have been yearning for spring to start. And I have been viewing this trip as my bridge to spring (as I've told a few of you). Because once I get back, it is the weekend of daylight savings time (and my birthday), the beginning of the Cancer to 5K training program I registered for, and I will finally start to feel settled into my new reduced work schedule, I hope.
I am convinced I have SADD, seasonal affective depressive disorder, or whatever it's called. The cold dark days just bum me out. So, very excited to spend a week in arizona where it will be in the 60s. And then to come back to the beginning of spring in DC. Hence, my bridge to spring.
About the bumps. The short version is, despite all my obsessive planning the perfect travel arrangements, it all went to hell when US Air canceled my flight this morning, after keeping us delayed about an hour. I managed to get on a United flight out of Dulles, but instead of getting to Phoenix at 2 p.m., I didn't get here until 9. Had to transfer through Chicago (Pete, I didn't even have a chance to call you!). Some turbulence heading toward chicago, and even more turbulence heading away from chicago. But - big picture - despite a detour and change in my friday plan (not driving to flagstaff tonight), I am here in phoenix and ready to hit the road tomorrow morning. Grand Canyon here I come! No pictures yet, but there will be many :-)
Just a few weeks ago I planned my trip to arizona. I just finished a big deadline at work (and got positive feedback on the comments I wrote - yay - my brain is starting to work again). And as I've already mentioned, I am now coming up to the one year anniversary of my diagnosis day. So, this week seemed like a good time to go.
Last spring I was miserable with diagnosis, surgery and the beginning of chemo. Then came the summer which was unbearably hot whilst on chemo. Fall was a blur of driving to and from sibley hospital for my radiation treatments. And this winter, I have been tired and a cold weather wuss. So, I have been yearning for spring to start. And I have been viewing this trip as my bridge to spring (as I've told a few of you). Because once I get back, it is the weekend of daylight savings time (and my birthday), the beginning of the Cancer to 5K training program I registered for, and I will finally start to feel settled into my new reduced work schedule, I hope.
I am convinced I have SADD, seasonal affective depressive disorder, or whatever it's called. The cold dark days just bum me out. So, very excited to spend a week in arizona where it will be in the 60s. And then to come back to the beginning of spring in DC. Hence, my bridge to spring.
About the bumps. The short version is, despite all my obsessive planning the perfect travel arrangements, it all went to hell when US Air canceled my flight this morning, after keeping us delayed about an hour. I managed to get on a United flight out of Dulles, but instead of getting to Phoenix at 2 p.m., I didn't get here until 9. Had to transfer through Chicago (Pete, I didn't even have a chance to call you!). Some turbulence heading toward chicago, and even more turbulence heading away from chicago. But - big picture - despite a detour and change in my friday plan (not driving to flagstaff tonight), I am here in phoenix and ready to hit the road tomorrow morning. Grand Canyon here I come! No pictures yet, but there will be many :-)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Moving out of the Comfort Zone
A few weeks ago, I attended a "transition to wellness" workshop at georgetown. A big theme of the workshop was finding your "new normal." That is what I am in the process of doing. Something one of the panelists said really resonated with me; after she completed treatment, she spent time rethinking ~ "what do I want to do with my life." I have been asking myself that question a lot these days.
After broaching the subject of reducing my hours slightly with the managing partners at my firm, they suggested perhaps I was being even too ambitious in estimating the number of hours I would be able to comfortably bill this year. Although it seemed a giant leap (thus moving me out of my comfort zone), the other day, I proposed a 60% work schedule and I believe it will be acceptable to them. Part of me worries about whether it is crazy, lazy or irresponsible to not work full time, but most of me feels really excited about having the opportunity to take the time to heal this year and do things that I have not had the time and energy to do. Figuring out what I want to do with my life.
As I have struggled with the roller coaster of emotions and feelings over these last two months, I came to the conclusion that I really need a vacation. Once again, moving out of my comfort zone, I just booked a solo spiritual journey vacation -- going to the grand canyon and a spa in sedona arizona! I'll be going in just a few weeks and it will mark one year since my diagnosis.
And this weekend, I will be leading a hike for the first time in nearly a year.
What I finally realized is that having to go through breast cancer, surgery, chemotherapy and radiation was all outside of my comfort zone; so maybe -- just maybe -- I am strong enough to make other decisions to take care of myself, even if it means tip-toeing outside of the zone of comfort.
(Pictures: back at sugarloaf mountain, hiking 7 miles on saturday)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Getting back on track
So after two weeks off the tamoxifen, I am back on it. In the meantime, some changes to medications and the addition of a super vitamin D dose for my low vitamin D levels. There are studies showing vitamin D deficiency is linked to higher incidence of breast cancer recurrence, among other things. And am taking steps to ward off the depression including planning hikes, run-walking (well, once), more yoga, walking, spinning.... though still have yet to lose the ten pounds I packed on during chemo.
Taking steps to take better care of myself. I attended a "transition to wellness workshop" last week at Georgetown (more on that later). And I found a running program specifically geared to people that have had cancer and been through treatments! Cancer to 5K ... start training in March (with a 7-mile option). It's not quite a marathon, but I'll take it!
And am in the process of figuring out a plan to reduce my billlable workload for this upcoming year -- the managing partners at my firm were receptive to it ... yay!
Hair update....it just keeps growing and is now becoming unruly. Here's some hair pics, the first two from Jan. 15, the third from Jan. 30.
Taking steps to take better care of myself. I attended a "transition to wellness workshop" last week at Georgetown (more on that later). And I found a running program specifically geared to people that have had cancer and been through treatments! Cancer to 5K ... start training in March (with a 7-mile option). It's not quite a marathon, but I'll take it!
And am in the process of figuring out a plan to reduce my billlable workload for this upcoming year -- the managing partners at my firm were receptive to it ... yay!
Hair update....it just keeps growing and is now becoming unruly. Here's some hair pics, the first two from Jan. 15, the third from Jan. 30.
Monday, January 24, 2011
The heart of winter
Last Thursday I had my every-three-week herceptin appointment (number 12 of 18). My doctor asked how I was doing and I burst into tears. Which seemed odd to me given that I am now done with treatment, for the most part. After talking with me for a while, she told me to stop taking the tamoxifen for a few weeks to figure out if it was causing me to feel depressed. This is apparently a reported side effect that "a small number of women" may experience from the tamoxifen.
The last several weeks have been difficult. It feels like in a blink of an eye we've gone from the dead of summer to the heart of winter. I've been tired, sick (I got my first post-cancer cold....nasty little germs, left me feeling lousy for a week and a half) and completely unmotivated to do anything. I think I will figure this out and not let the tamoxifen get the better of me, but it might take a little bit of time and work. And speaking of work, I took a "rest day" from work today. That helped a bit. As did a winter hike on saturday. And knowing that in less than two months we'll have daylight savings time again (this year on my birthday!) means there is an escape to winter coming soon.
The last several weeks have been difficult. It feels like in a blink of an eye we've gone from the dead of summer to the heart of winter. I've been tired, sick (I got my first post-cancer cold....nasty little germs, left me feeling lousy for a week and a half) and completely unmotivated to do anything. I think I will figure this out and not let the tamoxifen get the better of me, but it might take a little bit of time and work. And speaking of work, I took a "rest day" from work today. That helped a bit. As did a winter hike on saturday. And knowing that in less than two months we'll have daylight savings time again (this year on my birthday!) means there is an escape to winter coming soon.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Dear Diary
Growing up, each year somewhere around late January, I would start the entries in my brand new diary (recently received each year as a Chanukah gift from my parents): "Dear Diary, I am sorry I haven't written in a few days....." I would then proceed to catch my poor, neglected diary up on all the goings-on of recent days.
That's what I feel like right now. "Dear blog, I am sorry I haven't blogged on you in a while. I have been really busy," yada yada yada.
In any event, I headed up to NY over the Xmas break. Good visit, but very tiring. Didn't get to see everyone I wanted due to various ailments and blizzard.
Since my last blog post, I had another herceptin appointment (the day before New Year's eve day). Although I had a long wait, it was otherwise uneventful. Under my "last week, this week or next week" formula, I can somewhat easily remember that my next appointment is next week.
The main thing going on is I finally started taking tamoxifen the other day. Several people I know who have taken it have complained of severe bone pain. So I am knocking on wood hoping that won't be a problem; so far, it isn't. My big fear was stomach upset. So far, knocking again on my poor table, so good.
Continue to have acid reflux (this was a chemo side effect that just hasn't gone away yet) and sore throat (ditto). And to be really tired. (But not chemo fatigue; not even close). Oh, and I can't concentrate on anything at work or remember almost anything. My mind has turned into a large-holed colander (I just proved my own point -- it took me 30 seconds to remember the word "colander." Word recollection is particularly dicey these days.) It was suggested to me that perhaps it's not the chemo or radiation but hormones (which were thrown into whack by the chemo). Who knows. I need to find out what I can do about it. Because I'm starting to drive myself nuts with it.
Signing off. Early morning tomorrow (breast cancer spinning class at 8). Good night, dear blog.
That's what I feel like right now. "Dear blog, I am sorry I haven't blogged on you in a while. I have been really busy," yada yada yada.
In any event, I headed up to NY over the Xmas break. Good visit, but very tiring. Didn't get to see everyone I wanted due to various ailments and blizzard.
Since my last blog post, I had another herceptin appointment (the day before New Year's eve day). Although I had a long wait, it was otherwise uneventful. Under my "last week, this week or next week" formula, I can somewhat easily remember that my next appointment is next week.
The main thing going on is I finally started taking tamoxifen the other day. Several people I know who have taken it have complained of severe bone pain. So I am knocking on wood hoping that won't be a problem; so far, it isn't. My big fear was stomach upset. So far, knocking again on my poor table, so good.
Continue to have acid reflux (this was a chemo side effect that just hasn't gone away yet) and sore throat (ditto). And to be really tired. (But not chemo fatigue; not even close). Oh, and I can't concentrate on anything at work or remember almost anything. My mind has turned into a large-holed colander (I just proved my own point -- it took me 30 seconds to remember the word "colander." Word recollection is particularly dicey these days.) It was suggested to me that perhaps it's not the chemo or radiation but hormones (which were thrown into whack by the chemo). Who knows. I need to find out what I can do about it. Because I'm starting to drive myself nuts with it.
Signing off. Early morning tomorrow (breast cancer spinning class at 8). Good night, dear blog.
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