If you don't get it, you don't get it.

That's the washington post advertising mantra.  It is also how I have been feeling over the past month or so about my depression.  Physically have been doing pretty well.   Had a follow-up appointment earlier in the month with my new-ish oncologist, Dr. Kaltman.  Really like her a lot.  I told her how I worry about every bump, scratch, pain, and so on, and she tried to put my mind at ease.  Still tired a lot, but I think that is due in large part to not getting enough/good sleep.  Am actually having a sleep study next week to rule out sleep apnea.  And have met with an allergist/ENT to see if we can make some headway in solving the problem of my horrible night-time congestion.

But have been battling my old demon of depression and it's hard to explain to someone who has never experienced it how it feels.  It comes in waves, and have been relatively successful in heading it off with running, hiking, yoga, activities with friends, etc.  But not at work and not when sitting with unscheduled time.  That's a big part of why I haven't blogged lately.  Plus, not much to report on the treatment front, other than my constant worries, and my hot flashes from the tamoxifen.  I don't normally tell a lot of people about the depression, so it feels a little weird blogging about it, but at this point, I'm past the point of caring whether someone might judge me or view me weirdly for it.  It is what is is.  But the work stuff I will leave to individual conversations.

Not all is doom and gloom though.  I had a fun time at a photography workshop in Charleston, SC last month.  Still haven't gotten around to posting pictures but will eventually do so.  And I am off for Ottawa today (very proud of myself - got to the airport sufficiently early!).

And had a great race the other weekend:  Race for Hope.  The money raised went to support brain tumor research.  It was a 5K race in downtown DC, and started at 9 a.m. on a sunday morning (which is pretty late for races, which I really appreciated!)  I ran with my friend Janel, whose father just had surgery the other day for a brain tumor and is been having a tough, slow recovery.  Well, that is, I signed up with my friend; we each ran at our own pace - she's much faster than me!  The survivors all made their way to the start carrying yellow balloons, and then released them to the sky which was very moving, if not environmentally ideal.  I was determined first to beat my time of 39 minutes and some odd seconds from my three 5Ks last year.  And next, I wanted to beat the goal of 39 minutes.  I ran most of the race, stopping three times for water breaks.  And I finished in 37 minutes, 2 seconds!  Very pleased with that.  It felt good.

Signing off now.